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The Boolean Life
Things are either True or False. Or not.
Call 911! My country’s never heard of it!
By Olibe.nu

I suppose you’ve heard about the dumb blonde. She could not call 911 because she could not find the ‘11' button. Nigerian’s are not blonde

Or dumb. We can’t call 911 though.

The government has spent a lot of money on security. Telecoms too. You would have thought some of of it would trickle into establishing emergency numbers. Try calling 911 in Nigeria. Your not-made-in-Nigeria phone recognizes it as an emergency number or SOS but what does your Nigerian network do?

Nothing.

The Nigerian Police Force gives a long string of numbers for people to call in tips about robberies and the like. Some Police Inspector, in a bid to make us think he is more dedicated, says one of those numbers is his - to reach him day or night. I wonder if he forgets that he could retire someday. What do we do then?

The Federal Road Safety Commission is the same. Have you been involved in an accident? As your vision grows blurry by the minute with pain, take your pick from any one of our five 11 digit phone numbers. Remember to load your phone enough with credit first, we are still working on the toll-free situation.

Is it the fire service? Call our number too. While you’re at it, we will be filling the tank with water.

Not even religion, which unites Nigerians best after football, is any different. Want to report the sighting of the new moon? Call our non-toll-free 11 digit number, your reward is in paradise.

My country has never heard of toll free emergency numbers. What number do I call for this emergency?